I read an article on The Cut about a man who after marrying early in life, found his woman yearning to explore her sexuality with other men. She was adamant that she was not giving up on their marriage but she felt as if she was trapped because she never had the opportunity to explore that side of herself.
You can read the full article here.
Growing up, relationships were taught with clarity. There was a man and woman. As I got older in age, relationships weren't as black and white as they initially appeared. Sometimes it wasn't just a man and a woman, sometimes it was a man and a man, a woman and a woman, or two or three of each. As I matured I realized things weren't as clear as they were taught to me early in my life.
The media portrays monogamous black relationships as an anomaly. You are sure to see images of playa players with multiple baby mommas, models and vixens seen with many men but that Cosby kind of love is rare. I think that the way we are portrayed partially messes with our psyche about our expectations vs the reality of our relationships. It is to blame for the stuff we are willing to accept.
Being 27 and being engaged, I have a tight grasp of what I envision my life to be. I have done the open relationship thing with my spouse who after just a few months decided to close it because the unknown was scary to him. Fast forward four years and we are still trying to figure out where we fall in with each other.
Intimacy to me is everything. It's something that I want to share with someone who has adoration for me in their eyes. I could not see myself sharing that part of me with someone other than my spouse and I could not imagine myself staying with him if he was. In the article on The Cut, it cites that sex is just sex and that the only thing he fears is his losing his woman. They have kids with each other and one night his woman forgot to come home. Sex to me is not just sex. There's always some kind of emotional attachment or trigger. If I think about any one of my exes there's a certain smell or touch trigger than reminds me of them.
I am a cancer and that means sexual attraction is not something that happens instantly. It happens over time through interactions, building trust, admiration and love. After building something so deep with someone after years and years, the last thing I'm looking to do is share that with someone else in one night.
I can admit that I have only had a handful of partners in my life, I have never had a threesome or relations with another girl. However, I don't feel as if I'm missing out on much and it's definitely not something I would be okay with stepping out on my relationship for. Anything I'm curious about I would want to do with my spouse and only him.
Would you have an open marriage?