If you follow me on my snapchat, you know that in the midst of screaming good morning, talking about work and the weather, I often spit a few gems that I have found helpful and might assist other people navigate life. This particular lesson I was going to speak about a few weeks ago on my snap. I believed someone desperately needed it, like I so needed to hear it at the time it smacked me in my face. However, after a conversation with Corey, I did not want him to think that the sermon was about him so I diverted from posting about it and a few weeks later here we are again with the same theme.
The one thing I miss about pre-motherhood was experiencing the freedom to, well be free. I loved getting up when I felt like it, going where ever the wind took me and not having single responsibility besides my rent and occasionally eating food(seriously I was like 100 pounds). I've never not had a job and in between the few but very brief periods of traditional unemployment, I had the flexibility to decide when I wanted to go back to work, where I was going to work and how often. I successfully controlled that aspect of my life. Being a mom and being in a relationship means that I am not free not in any sense of the word. My decisions do not belong to me. I can not get up one day and decide something is not for me. I can not create my own plan to get where I want to in my career because my plan includes more than me and my life is no longer solely my own.
This is not a #ihatemylifeandwishiwassomethingelse post. I'm getting to the good part so allow me to get there.
I was reading this self help book about two years, the name of it is not important. At this time, I was dealing with post-partum depression, quitting a job that I loved, a spouse who was mean spirited and didn't understand my life. Just a bunch of eye rolling experiences at once. Anyway, the entire book pissed me off starting from the first sentence. It said that every thing that happens in the world is your fault. Every thing that happens to you is your fault. Starting from the weather extending to your failures in life, your shitty job, your 30 cent promotion, all of it can be traced back to you. You ultimately have the power to change the weather. When I first read it, I thought "wow, the author of this book must be on some good crack to think every thing is my fault and I can control the weather" but what I wasn't realizing at the time was the underlying meaning was not to literally change the weather where you are but change your location which in turn changes the weather. This was not a book that said you had hypnosis powers like the Secret. Instead it was more logical, look at something that you have no control of, alter the parts you do have control of and carry on from there.
Learning how to change the hand you've been dealt doesn't just happen overnight. I'm still struggling with this. I blame myself for many things that happen in my life. I blame myself for starting my career over at the age of 26, I blame myself for being a mom, I blame myself for writing this post. This life of mine is my fault. The tipping point is turning the whole this is my fault thing into a positive. Making the things you're responsible for a great thing, something you can gloat about.
Claiming your faults allows you to be proactive, foresee events and prevent fires instead of putting them out. I know the MTA is going to fuck up today therefore, I'm going to leave 20 minutes earlier than I should and if I should end up late it's my fault because I probably should've left an additional 20 minutes earlier. Accountability is half the battle of being prepared.