Living with your spouse is the most difficult thing you will ever have to do. Living with your spouse + children is the most difficult thing squared. How will you ever survive two completely different personalities, both of whom feel like they do everything when in fact both parties barely does anything?
The second thing you need to understand is that people have different list of priorities. To Corey, the dishes can NOT wait, to me I can not stand a dirty floor and smelly garbage. How have two people 1 who doesn't mind walking past the sink and the other who throws shit on the floor haven't killed each other yet? Simple we have patience. For the most part we fall into "place" in our household. There are certain things that he just won't do and instead of getting mad, I just have to understand that there there's a limit for him.
Putting away the baby's clothes or anything relating to laundry. Corey has a stern refusal not to put away Sai's clothes or wash clothes, he hates it. I tested this theory by leaving the clothes for almost a week. The clothes were untouched and waiting for me after a 6 day work week, When asked his response was that it was just not his thing.
I grew up in a traditional black house hold which means we clean up in the morning on weekends. During the week we do not throw our clothes on the floor, chair or else where. We put them back where we found them (or in the hamper) and we definitely wouldn't dare clean before we go to bed. Corey on the other hand hates going to sleep in a house of clutter. He takes the baby to school in the morning and the couch is usually occupied with stuff that he left (pamper, pajamas, slippers etc.) He will clean up the clutter later when he returns home which will usually result in an attitude on his behalf because he feels as if I should've cleaned up behind him. I can live with clutter but I hate feeling dirt on my feet when I walk barefoot.
I can't stand half assing. I'm the type of person who would rather not do something at all then to do it half ass. This applies to washing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom. If I only have time to wash the dishes and not the stove, counter, or dish rack, I would rather not do it at all. In the same breath, when I clean the bathroom it's the entire bathroom; floors, walls and all. Sometimes this means putting off the bathroom cleaning until Saturday although it needed to be done on Wednesday. A half clean creates more of a job in my eyes so that's my major flaw.
My shit is always disappearing! Corey is in the military so that explains some of his ways such as cleaning before he goes to sleep and weird things like that. I am such a bitch with my stuff. When I leave something somewhere, I expect it to be there when I return. Because Corey is always removing clutter, he's constantly moving stuff and either forgets where he puts it or doesn't acknowledge moving it in the first place. Sometimes Sai moves my things BUT if Corey was fully attentive to him he would be aware.
-Men want to come home to a clean house
This is a common theme that I hear from all men including my own. However when a woman comes home later than you, it is her that should be coming home to a decent house. Corey and I didn't see eye to eye last week when he told me I need to clean up the house. I told him I would have it done before he gets home in the most sarcastic voice I could muster up because the day he wanted me to clean I had worked a 9 hour shift. Later I had apologized for being a bitch and making his feelings seem miniscule. If this was the 1960's I would have the house spotless, bake cookies and dinner before 5 because I wouldn't be working. But it's 2015 and I am a working woman so we have to 50/50 at least my friend.
-Go above and beyond
There are plenty of nights that I come home and don't wish to do anything especially after working a 10 hour shift. Life still goes on and I won't keep a man by not doing anything. So I make an effort to cook for him whenever he wants. If he wants food at 2 am, he's got it. My mentality is that my man shouldn't have to go else where for stuff he should be getting at home. Having that idea in the back of my head makes it a lot easier to go above and beyond even when I'm dead tired. He does the same for me! When I was working late for the Cyclones, I would come home to dinner. I know cooking with the baby is a difficult task but he does it and he made sure when I came home I had food waiting for me in the microwave.
-Keep something sacred
There should be a designated time or area in your home which is dedicated to just the two of you. There shouldn't be any phones or electronics to distract you. It doesn't have to be for hours, it could be for 10 minutes. This time for us is right before we go to bed. We have a little convo and then cuddle until we knock out. Eventually I want this time to turn into sex on a regular basis but with our current situations, he's just too tired to get the life sucked out of him on a daily basis.
-Be vocal without judgement
Being vocal without passing judgement sounds totally hypocritical. However, it can be done. You can express your grievances to your spouse without passing judgement and name calling. Corey can say "hey, I would like you to pick up some of the stuff in the morning if you can" instead of saying "you're so lazy and you never clean". Likewise, I can joke and say "Cor your socks smell like pig feet, you're suffocating us" instead of yelling that he always leaves his nasty ass smelly socks on the floor.
-Keep separate spaces
Joint closets are terrible ideas. If your living space allows, have separate rooms, or closets so that both of you can organize your stuff separately. Night tables and separate file folders are absolutely necessary. You are together but you are separate people who like different things and organize in different ways. Space also means time. We live in a 2 bedroom but it's so small it's as if we never have any space. If Corey decides to stay in the living room while I'm in the bedroom, I won't bother him. The most I'll ask is if he needs something to drink. Being with someone all day an be a tad overwhelming especially if you're used to being by yourself.
The lines can be blurred when you live together as you may share everything from shirts to deodorant to towels, having that patience is crucial to staying together. When you're living with someone, you're always going to feel like you're doing everything. It's so easy to say that the other person doesn't do shit. Step outside of yourself and your own selfishness and view your at home situation from the outside. Is your spouse stressed? Are they in pain? Have they been sick? What can you do to help alleviate the stress of the situation? Will folding a blanket really cause you anguish? The most important thing to remember about living together is working together. This requires tons of patience, willingness, forgiveness and the ability to admit when you're wrong.